Too Sure

I had a few days between jobs, so I lived each day, knowing that I would not be this free for the next 5 months. Each day was an adventure. Come with me, please.

Baba Ijebu

I always see these stalls with red machines. I finally discovered Baba Ijebu. It was a small kiosque with a cardboard on the wall with so many numbers. There were numbers by the bench, there were numbers everywhere. Some people came to play event, others match, others sure and some others, too sure.I asked one Bros that came to play how the thing goes. He said it’s just like Visa Lottery: you choose a series of numbers, if two of the numbers are picked that day, you win some money. You can bet for as low as ten naira (SURE) to as high as five hundred naira (TOO SURE). I asked how he chooses his numbers, he said it depends. He had chosen thirty six and forty two for that day.

I said ‘Okay, so how did you choose these numbers?

He said he simply timed how many minutes he lasted on his woman the previous night. Such pride.

***

You know how those people that know Maths always covered their workings back then? I saw someone doing that there. He guarded his paper and whispered his numbers. I said Okay, this one is too sure. I went to meet him that please, he should mentor me. He said he is building house in Ikorodu with his winnings. He gave me some sure numbers.

I played.

Results come out six times a day and three times on Sunday. Since I played hundred-hundred naira, it means I will win N24, 000 times 2: Too Sure.

I waited.

3:15 p.m. came. I ran to the store with my ticket. Mentor had assured me that the number will drop.

Baba Ijebu gave me some numbers very far from mine. My only consolation was that Mr. 42 Rounds’ numbers did not drop too.

You Don’t Know My Story

So I woke up that morning and said, what-the-hell, let’s go see a movie for 9 a.m. I arrived, smuggled an entire buka in my bag and took angle 90 in the cinema. The theatre was empty as far as I could squint. Movie was After Earth: Spaceship crashes, just two of them in a ship with the father-Will Smith-injured! That his small, fine son-Kaha has to save them.  At the point that Jaden Smith was chooking the dragon something, I started shouting ‘Wa sere! Wa sere!!’

As movie ended and they put on the light, I saw that some primary school has taken the cinema so all the chairs were filled with small-small butter children. They all looked at me as if ‘That’s the loud one: Brother t’oun ma pariwo niyen’. Such pride.

All I can say is those kids don’t know my story; they don’t know what I’ve been through. When they are my age, they will know why a full blown, full grown man can get such orgasmic pleasure from a N500 movie.

Working in a multinational

I have resumed work in the new place. Working in a multinational means anything can happen. I walked into the loo at 3 p.m. the other day and saw one of the Indians brushing his teeth. Serious brushing o: toothbrush in throat, scrubbing the tongue like rug. I was amazed.

As I wanted to enter the loo the other day, an Oriental stepped out. Sometimes, sitting on the toilet bowl here I think deep-of the shits that have gone before me: that of Orientals, Hispanics and Greeks, of my humble shit joining theirs in a global commingling and intermingling, of how far my shit had to travel to be here, of how this bowl all brings us together.

Just The Other Day

My friend, Ferdy married the other day.

The event was light and deep-at the same time. Pre-wedding, we asked Ferdy what he would do if someone raised hand when the Pastor says ‘If you have anything against this wedding, stand up’. It was joke o, until Ferdy entered the wedding venue with bouncer behind him.

Then the bride price was an amount that required small change (N20), and the groom had come with dollars. So there was a mad scramble to the Bureau de Change and finally, the nearest Baba Ijebu to get some small change.

Then there were floating candles on the table and…you know what? I’ll do a separate post on this.

Bye Bye

Parting Shots

Have you listened to ‘Let Her Go’ by Passenger? Get it, you’ll need it someday

Have you read Wicked Pleasures by Penny Vincenzi? It goes with the weather

Have you experienced a brightly lit hall, with sparking china, Obiwon singing ‘Obi Muo’ and the love of your life looking radiant? No? Gaan marry.